What It Takes to Be a Good Engineering Manager

There is no shortage of opinions on this topic. The most honest answer is probably “it depends” but that’s also the least helpful.

After 4.5 years leading multiple engineering teams, here’s my single-sentence answer to what makes a great manager:

A good manager balances high empathy with high expectations and knows when to pull which lever.

High expectations without empathy might “succeed” but at the cost of toxicity. It’s not my definition of success or something I want to be part of.

High empathy without expectations can leave a team adrift. It comes at the cost of growth, learning and output.

In interviewing for new engineering leadership positions I’ve found this line lands very well when trying to describe my own engineering leadership philosophies and values. I like to think this is because I really mean it. This isn’t a pithy mantra I picked up in an engineering management book—it’s a core tenet I’ve seen, felt, and lived.

I've been in situations where I could see I was pushing people too hard and needed to back-off without making them feel like they've failed. There have also been situations where I knew people could do more and found ways to gracefully challenge them. It's all part of navigating the tricky calculus of people, projects and priorities.

What you’re really calibrating for is the right amount of tension. It looks different for each individual, and each person's tension has to be balanced with the team as a whole. Think of it like a musical instrument with strings. There’s an appropriate amount of tension to achieve the desired frequency for each string and there’s an overall amount that the instrument itself can withstand.

I’m a firm believer in the Recurse Center's self-directives. They've been a significant part of my "high expectations" for people on the various teams I managed. They're a beautiful set of principles to build any community around.

This approach engenders a culture that tends to attract and keep curious, life-long learners. People who holistically care about their work and how it fits into the whole. On its best days it feels like a fun class everyone has elected to take.

There’s no substitute for giving a shit—about every person, the team, and the work we do together.

❧ If you care as much about people as outcomes and you’re looking for an engineering leader who’ll pull the right levers, let’s chat.

Published on Thursday, June 19th 2025. Read this post in Markdown or plain-text.